This weekend I was honored to have sung at the funeral of a man in our church. I didn’t know him well, but I knew him, and what I always saw was an upbeat, friendly, kind, and warm guy, whose interest always seemed projected outward – toward others – not inward. I was surprised to learn he was in his 80’s. I would have thought much younger.
What was not a surprise was a story the minister told about Lloyd, to the large congregation assembled to celebrate and honor his long life. During Lloyd’s last hospital stay, the minister was visiting him one morning when a middle-aged male nurse popped his head into the room and asked, almost without waiting to hear a reply, if Lloyd needed anything.
“Yes,” said Lloyd, “I do. I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?” Not really, but he’d make time. Lloyd, whose cancer was draining the life from him, told the nurse, through a genuine smile, that he had chosen to return to this particular hospital for his continued treatments primarily because of the outstanding nursing care he had received on earlier visits. This nurse, however, Lloyd was sorry to say, had not lived up to his high expectations. “You’re inattentive and brusque, and too rough. I’m an old man, in lots of pain, and you sometimes handle me like I’m a football player in here for knee surgery.
“Often, you’ve forgotten to do things you said you’d do. And I have to tell you that last night, you were talking loudly, all night, at your station right outside my room, and it kept me awake.”
Lloyd, an electrical engineer with an MBA, had served in senior leadership roles in the Bell System. He told the nurse that he stood out from his co-workers, and not in a good way, and not because he was one of the few male nurses there. But because he simply didn’t do his job as well as the others did theirs.
“I’ll be going into hospice care in a few days, and the way you do your job won’t really make much more difference to me. But it will to all the others who come in here after me. And it’ll make a difference to the people you work with.
“You don’t need to change a lot,” Lloyd told the guy, “but I think if you’d slow down a little, listen a little better, be a little gentler in your approach, and follow through better on your commitments to your patients, you’d go from being a good nurse, to a great one. Will you try to do that? Not just for me, but for you?”
The minister made the point that although Lloyd had been clear in giving the nurse some unsolicited performance feedback, he had done it in such a kind and caring way, that at least the nurse had stopped, and listened.
The leadership consultant in me observed from the story that Lloyd had followed, to the letter, the fundamentals of effective feedback. He’d been clear. He didn’t muddle the message with weasel words. He didn’t dance around the issue. Nor did he bash the guy over the head with it. Perhaps he was bringing his engineering education to bear on the conversation. He knew that too much pressure would cause the system to break, but that too little would be fruitless.
Lloyd provided clear and reasonable expectations, specific performance observations, and definable suggestions for specific behavior change. And he wrapped it all in a genuine sense of caring for the object of his feedback. That is the definition of a good performance coach.
After the service, the minister and I were talking. I told him I enjoyed hearing the story of the nurse. A sheepish look came over his face as he said, “Thanks. But I would never have told that story if I’d known the nurse was going to be in the congregation. I didn’t see him until later in the eulogy, and besides, he looks different in a suit and tie.”
And sometimes we, as leaders, fail to give needed feedback because we’re afraid they won’t like us anymore.
Richard Hadden is a leadership speaker, author, and consultant who helps organizations improve their business results by virtue of a focused, engaged, capably led workforce. He and Bill are the authors of the acclaimed business classic Contented Cows Give Better Milk, and Contented Cows MOOve Faster, and the brand new book Rebooting Leadership. Learn more about them and their work at ContentedCows.com.
I know the US Senate has a lot of important issues to deal with, like the lousy economy, high unemployment, two wars, and health care, so please forgive me if I 
In today’s mail, one item clearly stood out from all the bills and advertisements I dragged in from the daily haul. An envelope, addressed by hand, to my wife, with the return address from a couple we know from our church.
Earlier today, former NFL star quarterback, Michael Vick was released from federal prison in Leavenworth after serving most of a 23 month sentence for his principal involvement in a dog fighting ring. The burning question now is, should NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell allow Vick to return to the game?
This post is not about same-sex marriage. It’s about authenticity. As in telling the truth. Which is exactly what Miss California, Carrie Prejean, did when asked by Miss USA judge and celebrity blogger Perez Hilton (there’s a celebrity blogger?!?) if she thought all 50 states should enact legislation to legalize same-sex marriage, as has the state of Vermont.
Earl Kitchings died this week at the age of 82. He was a legend here in Jacksonville, as a pioneering football coach – the head coach of Florida’s first African-American state championship team – that was back in 1958, when we had white teams and black teams.
For some time I’ve been writing and stumbling on a piece about job interviews (more stumbling than writing, I’m afraid, until now). Given that more people are seeking interviews now than at any time in recent history (some desperately), the piece seems timely. And, there are fewer and fewer interviews to be had. Beyond that, on the other side of the fence, with fewer openings, managers need to make every position count, thus the significance of the interview, something NONE of them have been well trained to carry out.
If George W. Bush can plant a smooch on the face of Barbra Streisand, and if she can accept it graciously, couldn’t the rest of us agree, at least during this season of goodwill, to bury our differences, and just all get along?
Today’s post is another in our ongoing effort to provide some good news and inspiration in an otherwise difficult period.
